gorry details of Amirul's special day

this is a special post:

the day started off badly for me.

came out of the house early.good.

slightly motivated though it was raining woof woof & miao miao since early morning.good.

drove carefully.exceedingly excellent.

then multiple shits happened.

almost knocked a motorcyclist (sape suruh potong guna emergency lane).shit.

got into NKVE and stuck.shit.

encountered two accidents along the way.shit.

finally ended up at the office late.shit shit shit.

6 shits outweigh 2 good and 1 excellent (equivalent of 2 goods) every single time!

a bad day to start my day.

but it didn't stop there.

rushed into the office due to heavy duty loads knocking on my backdoor eagerly wanting to see the light of day (but they didn't know that i plan to drown them in chlorinated water and flush them down like bring it on!!).

did the necessary preparations before docking into designated work station (toilet bowl).

finally some peace of mind.

peace & quiet, and nothing stopping me from unloading the waste that have been pulling my weight up!

die faecal matter die!

suddenly another guy went in the next cubicle and judging by the sound of the unbuckling belt and zip downed at a hasty pace, i am sure his venturing into the same business i am in.

(kelakar kan sometimes you hear people next door struggling & mendengus to get it out.gross.lmao!)

the worst was yet to happen!

it stank!

it stank even more then the stankiest of stink!

dude, what you had for breakfast.

it was like all hell broke lose and the smelly hell decided to drop by and say hello!

i had to counter the effect or i'll be in the front page of all major tabloids:

"a trainee found dead in a cubicle with his pants down"

wtf?!

that sounds wrong in every way you see it.

so i lit my cigarette.two reasons.

1. drive the smell away.
2. nicotine is a good insecticide, so no lalats.

unfortunately it was to no avail.

so i hurried my business, cleaned up, and scoot out.

i sat down staring at my laptop with an empty stare.

dude, WHAT did you eat for breakfast.

day, please spare me the agony and end quickly.

out.

end note - it was a joy seeing all the birthday wishes on my facebook wall. the joy in seeing those wishes along with a few texts from my ex students and friends, and calls from family members will always turn the frown upside down. happy birthday Amirul, you deserve it after a year of staying alive:)

pening kepala-edisi bahasa malaysia

selamat tengah hari.

saya sudah makan tengah hari, anda bagaimana pula?

menu hari ini ialah nasi ayam.

sangat lazat, bertemankan air suam.

saya sudah lali menjamu selera berseorangan.

saya bukan sombong, cuma telah disombongkan (oleh mereka yang mengabaikan kewujudan saya).

pada pendapat anda, mengapa penulis blog enggan approve blog?

adakah kerana mereka sombong?

ataupun mereka tidak dapat menerima kritikan membina?

saya faham kalau mereka enggan mengemukakan komen yang berisi carutan, tetapi ini kan pula komen yang biasa sahaja.

saya agak kecewa.

jejaknya kaki mereka membuka akaun blog, mereka perlu bersedia untuk dikritik.

kiranya seperti mereka berada di mata masyarakat umum.

sekian untuk petang ini dan juga hari ini.

untuk minggu ini, siapa sahaja yang tahu kalau saya ingin menulis lagi.

Assalamualaikum.

kata akhir-sudah 2 hari saya cuba untuk menulis sesuatu yang lucu berbaur lucah. tapi otak saya enggan bekerjasama. mengapa? inikah yang dinamakan halangan penulis (writers block)? apa-apa jelah. saya rasa saya handal meluahkan isi otak dalam bahasa melayu. sekian

the 10th companion (refer to "the 10th commandment" if you haven't get the joke)

yeay!!

two reasons to celebrate:

1. it is Friday people.
2. i have got myself my 10th follower (milestone).

*for those who wished you were number 10, padan muka, siapa suruh berlengah, kan dah tak dapat your own post.

but having a follower, does not come cheap.

i have to dedicate this post (this exact post that you are reading) to that individual.

lets call this person Q (no names required, sebab i am sure Q would be ashamed to be associated to my less then dumb blog...boohoo).

first and foremost, i am blown away by the fact that you could follow someone's blog via twitter?!

the cyberworld has really improved since i last entered it (which was 5minutes ago).

anyways, i told Q that i will make sure that Q's decendents will remember this blog forever after.

so how do i do that?

uploading pictures of myself posing tirelessly in front of the mirror with GQ facial expressions i.e blue steel?

no!

i shall deprive you people from experiencing that visual pleasure.

.......................

while i was having my lunch alone (because i read somewhere that girls are intimidated by goodlooking guys), the idea came to me.

why not tell the tale of how Q and i first met.

heres how it goes:

in a fantasy location in the region of Pahang, far far away, there lived i.

i was walking alone (because i read somewhere that girls are intimidated by goodlooking guys), somewhere, a few years ago.

and there, the first time i set my eyes on the person that is Q who was elegantly taking steps one by one approaching me.

i said, "finally"(if you are wondering, my monologues are out loud), "someone who is not intimidated by my classic dashing look".

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how i met Q.

the end.

truth be told, i rarely talked to Q in uni.

there was the occasional,

Q:"hye"

Me"wassup" (cause wassup was for the cool cats..meeeow!)

Q:"your zip is open"

Me:"yeah i know, natural air conditioning lah. save the environment. duhhh!"

but blogs are amazing.

it gives you reason to make conversation with people you rarely spoke to.

yeah, of course most of them kutuk, but still, it is a conversation.

and i appreciate those kind of stuff cause at least i know someone is reading, and it gives me the strength to carry on (que lagu We are The Champions by Queens..just because).

there you have it Q, a post dedicated to you, my tenth tak-malu-untuk mengaku reader.;)

hope you've enjoyed reading it, more then twice i did.

cause i hated every single second of this experience (joke).

tata for now.

end note - i made most of the conversations up if you haven't noticed. i love posting up blogs. yes, my blogs are meaningless, yes, i don't blog for attention (judging by the number of followers), yes, i am very sincere bout writing to please myself. do things that you love no matter what people say. self happiness is important.

monday reds

so world cup is over.

my 8 (eight) years loyalty to Spain finally paid off.

in case you haven't heard, Spain is the new world champion, ousting the expired bunch of Italians.

it was worth my lack of sleep.

though immediately after publishing this post, i'll head to the toilet to catch up with some sleep (yes, i do sleep in the toilet, if and ONLY IF it is clean!).

i have read so many WC (the irony of me using WC as an acronym for world cup after a brief introduction of my toilet habit..lmao) related post, so i am not gonna bore people with an extensive congratulatory speech of how Spain deserved the trophy after years & years being labelled as the great underachiever (see how good Spain is??even when they're underachievers, people still call them great).

so what will my post be about?

nothing, abso-freaking-lutely nothing.

i am just bored.

no work, though i have met up with the boss telling him my concern with this current predicament of mine.

its not that i care, but i am being evaluated, so i need to shine like a freshly bleached teeth.

which reminds me, where can i get those teeth bleachers?

i saw someone in Cougar Town put it on.

and have any of you tried it?

i know it is corrosive & all, but i just need my teeth to be a few shades whiter.

............................

damn those Westeners, making us Asians unsatisfied with durian-yellow teeth.

............................

oh yeah, i found a really nice pair of vintage Clark's shoes in the store yesterday.

just needs a new sole and some polishing and i have got the prefect choice of footwear for my summer look.lmao.

saves me a few hundred ringgit in the process.

i have nothing particular to write.

just thought that writing this blog would ease my boredom & to kill time.

hoping that by the time i am done with this blog, it will be 5.15 p.m (wishful thinking).

berkerut dahi nak wishful thinking.

so adios muchachos.

have a fun week.

end note - world cup was fun, but the staying up actually makes you gain weight although you don't munch on things. frequent exercise & good diet helps in countering this effect. i don't even know why i am saying this. must be the lack of sleep kicking in.*sigh*

looks are deceiving

it has been an uneventful day.

everybody in the office is busy with finishing up documentation for the financial year end.

so me, being a thoughtful trainee thought that it is best that i don't bother my supervisor to ask for a task (translated to being plain ol' lazy).

and i thought that i could survive the whole day looking busy by frowning while reading blogs and IMing my buddies (gives the illusion as if i am doing something work related).

but at 10.33 a.m i found myself burned out.

mata pedih nak mampus sebab dok stare at the laptop monitor for 2 hours non-stop..real busy right?

so i went around occasionally holding my notebook and pen, going around like i am doing inspections and shit.

and after that i was still bored waiting for the clock to tick 12.30 (my lunch time).

so i browsed blogs, occasionally browsing FB to see any updates. none.

so i decided to burden my mind with the list of new things i need to buy to start my wardrobe revamp.

and i just read that wearing a square toe shoes is a faux pas!(bummer!)

and this shoe cost me 300+ bux!!(to be fair, it was a gift from my dad. but still!)

so shoe issues aside, these are a few things that i am going to get myself as a birthday gift and also something for raya (just to reduce the feeling of guilt for spending extravagantly).

these days i find myself fairly particular bout pants. and to my delight, skinny jeans are not so in anymore!! ( i dreaded when everyone was spotting skinnies while i can't due to my oh-so-manly thighs*sigh*).

ok ok..so here is THE list:

1. 3 pairs of slim cut pants, non-pleated (chinos or khakis)..2 natural colours and one super daring colour (TBD).
2. a few plain t-shirts/v-necks..lets put it at 3.
3. an finally a few pairs of fine fitting plain shirts. think i am going to get 2 just to experiment. i'll try to avoid plaids cause that is so budak baru nak up kinda look.
4. now my problem is finding the right pair of shoes. i have yet to see the result of this revamp, so shoes are quite an investment to make, and furthermore i can only wear them during weekends when i am out dating (any volunteers?). so i will put them in my KIV list.
5. i would love to have sports jackets in my list, but it is not practical with me living in Malaysia in this freaking hot weather!

so i hopefully i will be able to look like this: (but with darker shades of skin and a slightly more penyek nose and minus the jacket)

courtesy of SB

i will update my blog on this new revamp a month from now. if i do succeed in changing my look.

Cheers.

end note-stupidly enough, in Malaysia (only i think), well dressed men are perceived to being queer. what is up with that. though i am no fashion expert, but i do think men should take care of the way they look. at least, at least use deodorant. no matter how good you look, but if people can't stand 2 meters from you, it still beats the purpose.

money issues

when i was young,

and christmas trees are tall,

du du du du du du du duuu,

(a snippet of BeeGees First of May..good shit i tell you)

when i was young and naive (when i first started my tertiary education),

money was not a big concern for me.

my parents gave me the money i needed, though i wouldn't say it is enough (600bux per month mana cukup!).

so sadly, the value of money slipped my morale compass (this sentence sounds nice so i didn't really bother checking whether it made any sense).

when i was in the university, i always wanted to earn my own income.

yes of course i feel guilty for spending my parents money on cigarettes.

but the main reason is because i wanted to spend the money i earn without feeling any guilt.

meaning i wanted to buy things i want, and not things that my parents would want me to have, catch my drift?

(selingan: i thought earning my own money would give me satisfaction, so i was really looking forward to working life while i was studying..but now i feel that being a student is the best part in life; less responsibility, more sleeping time).

but after a few months making an honest living, i realized the value of money.

dulu i looked at my bro and thought, boy kedekut gila dia ni, belanja adik pun tak mahu.

although i wasn't as thrifty as my brother, the thought of spending money without guilt was a naive mentality.

there is no such thing as that.

yesterday i went out and spent 300bux to buy my essentials (perfume&sling bag), and this morning while withdrawing money for the week, it hit me like a lorry.

duit keluar macam air (don't ask me what air lah, i leave that to your own creativity).

i wasn't regretting going out & spending my money, but the fact of the matter is, i hate looking at my depleting bank account.*sigh*

guess this is my dilemma for last weekend.

i guess you can spend whatever you want, but never regret spending it.

long term, you'll actually like what you spent.

this morning, while spraying my new perfume, and hanging my new bag on my shoulders, i thought:

"damn bro, you look fine fine fine"

then again, i always have that thought when looking in a mirror.

i love you mirror, you're the most honest thing i know, NOT like the weight scale (mutthafacka!!)

spend wisely, adios.

end note: the finer things in life makes life worth living. so cherish it and always think positive. never ever regret what you do.you only live once.cheers!

pass gas part two

i seriously have no idea what to type for the second part.

i was thinking of scrapping the second part and replace it with a different post altogether.

but before that, i would like to express my mixed emotions that occured within the past 15minutes.

minute one-sad & bengang because my paintball activity got postponed to Sunday, but i have got other things planned for Sunday*wink*

minute fifteen-opened cimbclicks and i see $$

haihhh..i don't think i am in the mood to post any blogs, so chew on this:

"Spain is in the second round to face the sissy squad of Ronal 'duh"

viva espana

pass gas part one

i kid you not. the title says it all.

this is a post dedicated to the finer things in life. the unappreciated things. the delicate things.

the fart-things.

this post is dedicated to anybody who has trouble to pass gas in public.

this post also commemorates the spirit of all things stupid and useless as all the previous things posted are.

read carefully and i can almost guarantee that you won't have a problem doing it in public ever again.

there are two(2) main things that are the trademark of farts, or to put it in and indiscreet manner, THE GAS!!

so the two sifats are:

(a) the smell

(b) the sound

how to cover up for this two things will be explained in later paragraphs.

so before you even think of gassing, please take note of your environment.

is it loud or is it crowded.

generally, loud and crowded places are easy. the loud environment gives a perfect camouflage for the sound that this gasses emit.

the crowdedness gives you ample of choices to point fingers at if the gas gives out a foul smell.

but don't simply point at your scapegoat to be.

make sure that they have this two sacred criteria. failure to comply to this results in serious backfire.

as i tell you these criteria, please keep an open mind and think the reality of it.

i for one am not a discriminative person.

one: a fat person, because that's how the public perceive fat people as. fucking public!

two: manusia yang selekeh. people who generally looks capable of exhaling those similar smell with a simple process of breathing.

if you point to these two people, then my friend you are safe from the ridiculing eyes of the public.

these method can be used if you are in a confined space with no friends like the LRT for example.

DO NOT point bluntly because that can result in bruises. but in my opinion, bruises are way better then being called the gasser.

immediately after you fart, keep calm.

don't make any gestures that may give you away such as wiggling your arse or even looking around.

a few seconds after gassing, and the smell starts being obvious, still keep calm.

don't act like you are the first to notice, be the second or third. but NEVER the last.

being the last means that you are trying to hide the fact that you are the offender.

the next step is to intentionally make eye contact with the closest person to you. just for a few miliseconds, then make a short glance at the closest fattest, smelly looking person.

not too long. just glance long enough to ensure that the initial person you made eye contact with, agrees with your opinion.

once you have an agreer, just make a simple gesture like your nose tersumbat and you wanted to exhale.

do that just once.

NEVER touch your nose or cover it. too much will do you harm and will cause unnecessary attention towards you.

................................

END OF PART ONE.

end note: i wanted this to be a short post, but the idea kept popping up. so wait for part two for the ultimate adventure of gasman/gaswoman.

coolest post by the coolest person.ME!

so check it out ya.

i was trying to pimp out my blog, and i can't help but refer to the coolest blogs around.

how do i define cool?well if the blog has more followers then me, automatically they qualify as cool blogs.

notice Exhibit A on your right. 9 followers, therefore roughly about 27.9 million more blogs are cool blogs*applause*.

so i did some homework.

instead of running round the office to setup an OSH committee; because that is how committed i am to work right now.

the key points i noticed was that, ALL the cool blogs, have shit loads of photos.

& as you can see, the number of photos on my blog is an amazing less then 10.

and i complain about the number of followers right?

let me justify why i don't that many illustrations..

so listen, i don't have a fancy DSLR camera hanging around my neck, and i couldn't care less about bringing it around each time i go to mamak stalls or walk my cat.

i just don't understand this kind of people (not the ones who walk their cat ya, the other one..please take note, walking your cat is cool).

i am a person contempt with having a 3.2 megapixel camera phone as my means of snapping the daily what not.

to add to that, i hate talking pictures, i love being taken(say cheese..;D..million dollar smile right there).

the second thing i noticed bout cool blogs is the number of different types of fonts, font sizes, & font colors used in a single sentence.

seriously, don't they have better things to do then choosing the correct font & color for the letter "B"?

it is up to them, i am not judging..you know how colors help kids in memorizing, probably they are assuming that people would try to memorize they're 5000 words post..again, i am not judging (kuikui).

my solution to this two problems? don't change a thing.

i tried playing around with the fonts/colors, and i ended up leaving my blog for two months.

some people just don't have the capacity or commitment to give a damn about minor details.

guys are like that, and fo sho i am like that.

as for the pictures..hurmm..i am still trying to figure out that part.

i see them editing pictures and making them look so nice & vibrant, and again, i don't have the time to do all those stuff.

i am lazy, i am the definition of lazy, if i didn't know better, i would think that Amirul translates to lazy.

my conclusion to this issue is that, try not to do something you cannot do.

i am not saying that it is better to not experiment on things, but just know your limit.

don't push things, take your time. and i can't believe i there is a morale value for this post.

cool!!

................................

at first i wanted to write a bout something else. but my mind floated elsewhere.

anyhoo, if it is no too late, happy World Cupping.

to the girls, now is the time to rekindle your love towards ball(s).

...............................

by the way my friend said that my picture in this blog makes me look fat.

i only took that picture to show off my new glasses. that is how vain i am.

and the bulge that you might noticed on my picture is due to the folding....argggh..malas nak type lagi.

i just wanna reassure all the female population (not just limited to my followers (macam ajar ajaran sesat je ada followers)) that my 6 pac has yet again evolved to an 8 pac.badabing!

end note: i don't care about the number of followers.

i write to please myself.

because in the real world, we will always be selfish no matter how much we try to deny.

that is the cold hard truth.

viva espana.buenos noches mi amigo.