pass gas part one

i kid you not. the title says it all.

this is a post dedicated to the finer things in life. the unappreciated things. the delicate things.

the fart-things.

this post is dedicated to anybody who has trouble to pass gas in public.

this post also commemorates the spirit of all things stupid and useless as all the previous things posted are.

read carefully and i can almost guarantee that you won't have a problem doing it in public ever again.

there are two(2) main things that are the trademark of farts, or to put it in and indiscreet manner, THE GAS!!

so the two sifats are:

(a) the smell

(b) the sound

how to cover up for this two things will be explained in later paragraphs.

so before you even think of gassing, please take note of your environment.

is it loud or is it crowded.

generally, loud and crowded places are easy. the loud environment gives a perfect camouflage for the sound that this gasses emit.

the crowdedness gives you ample of choices to point fingers at if the gas gives out a foul smell.

but don't simply point at your scapegoat to be.

make sure that they have this two sacred criteria. failure to comply to this results in serious backfire.

as i tell you these criteria, please keep an open mind and think the reality of it.

i for one am not a discriminative person.

one: a fat person, because that's how the public perceive fat people as. fucking public!

two: manusia yang selekeh. people who generally looks capable of exhaling those similar smell with a simple process of breathing.

if you point to these two people, then my friend you are safe from the ridiculing eyes of the public.

these method can be used if you are in a confined space with no friends like the LRT for example.

DO NOT point bluntly because that can result in bruises. but in my opinion, bruises are way better then being called the gasser.

immediately after you fart, keep calm.

don't make any gestures that may give you away such as wiggling your arse or even looking around.

a few seconds after gassing, and the smell starts being obvious, still keep calm.

don't act like you are the first to notice, be the second or third. but NEVER the last.

being the last means that you are trying to hide the fact that you are the offender.

the next step is to intentionally make eye contact with the closest person to you. just for a few miliseconds, then make a short glance at the closest fattest, smelly looking person.

not too long. just glance long enough to ensure that the initial person you made eye contact with, agrees with your opinion.

once you have an agreer, just make a simple gesture like your nose tersumbat and you wanted to exhale.

do that just once.

NEVER touch your nose or cover it. too much will do you harm and will cause unnecessary attention towards you.

................................

END OF PART ONE.

end note: i wanted this to be a short post, but the idea kept popping up. so wait for part two for the ultimate adventure of gasman/gaswoman.